I think that I am asked this question nearly every week without fail and so in all fairness and honesty I am going to tell you how....I dont. Something always feels like it is being neglected at any given time and I have struggled for years with not having any time to myself...we are talking NO TIME at all to myself.
Recently in the past month I have had a pretty major meltdown because I just could not continue on the way things were...I hit a wall---HARD. I wont go into details about it because honestly, it is much much much too long to type out and much too personal to really share. I think my point in sharing anything at all is this; NOTHING is as perfect as it seems and EVERYONE out there struggles with things. I can honestly say that the past month was probably one of the darkest times in my life which was unbelievably hard for me because I am a happy person by nature. I can recall only two other times in my life when I have felt as low as I have been and it always is amazing to me that through these trials of life I find out who my true friends really are...the ones who really love me for who I am, even when they know my struggles. One VERY special person summed it up perfectly for me and that is that we all need a "safe place" and there are people in our lives who are, and sadly there are people in our lives who are not. I am lucky that I actually do feel I have some "safe places" because quite honestly, I would not be doing well right now at all if I didnt have them and for those of you who are I want you to know how much it means to me and how much you helped me and how much I love you.
During trials and struggles is when we grow the most and honestly, I dread these times something fierce. I will however, always be thankful for being able to focus on the good that comes out of these times and I will also be thankful for what I have learned and who I can trust. Lastly, I will make it a goal of mine to be a "safe place" for those I love and care about because I think in friendship that is the most important thing that can ever exist.
I am in a better place now, the struggles are still there but for me the darkness is gone and I am moving forward. I am human. I cant do it all (without making myself certifiably insane), but I do know that I can make it.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
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10 comments:
((((HUGS))) I'm sorry that things have been so hard for you recently. If there is anything I can EVER do to help ease the burden, please let me know.
Hey you, I feel like crying right now. I know that this email was supposed to make me smile, and it DID, but it also lead me to go check out your blog where I found your last post.
I wish I had met you ten years ago and had all that time to build an incredible friendship with you so that I could have offered you a "safe place" recently, too. I am so sorry to know that you were feeling so lost, believe me, I too have been there. I know that just knowing that others face hard times too doesn't make our problems any easier necessarily, but I do believe that if more of us opened up like you did it would help get rid of the idea of so many woman out there living the perfect Stepford Wives kind of a lifestyle that is easily portrayed, but rarely accurate. I loved that you pointed out that "nothing is as perfect as it seems", because that is oh so true!!!
Please know that I am here, in whatever way I can be, and that I think the world of you just from a few chance meetings and one GREAT phone conversation, and that I do hope that we can eventually hook up more often. I am working really hard to get organized with my photo project and am getting closer to being able to start scrapping again. I have to get through the messy part first though, finding all the pictures that I want to work with and getting them developed, etc. But there is light at the end of the tunnel!
Anyways, I love you lots and want you to know that I applaud you for opening up like you did and sharing with the world that you are indeed human, and also recognizing the people that mean so much to you. I feel lucky to know you :)
Lots of love, understanding and a great big warm hug to you!!!
Sincerely,
Shannon
Sweetie, you just about made me cry. I'm so sorry you have been having a rough time. You are one of the sweetest, most wonderful, cheerful people that I have ever met. Please let me know if there is EVER anything I can do to help.
And make some time for yourself. You SO deserve it. I've FINALLY learned that it needs to be a priority, even if there are a billion things that need to be done and so on. We have to give ourselves a break every once in a while!
I so agree with Shannon's comments. Thanks for sharing! I think we've ALL had those times, but it's easy to imagine that everyone leads a perfect life and it's just us struggling! Thanks for sharing your struggles.
I'm sending you a big hug! You take care of yourself.!
Tanya, that was fine that you posted it, I should have just put it on here to begin with :) Lets get together SOON! I love our emails, but we should go get a shake or something some evening.
You are the most perfect person I know. When I was going through my major yuk time you were always there for me. I can honestly say you have always been a rock for me, always. I love you so much I hope you know how much. You are gift from God, A complete and total gem. Thank you for being so open and sharing it helps us all, you have done an amazing come back, you inspire me to be a better mom, wife, friend, and to never give up on my dreams...no matter how dark it may seem at times. Goodness I could go on and on about you!!!
You look so beautiful tonight in your new grown-up clothes...you better be super proud of yourself, because I am very, very proud of you. Now we need to go shopping for more...
Love you,
T
Here there -- I am very glad that we have become such GREAT friends and that I have been able to be there for you. You truly are a friend for life!!!!!!!!!!! I will always be there for you :) I am glad to see that you are able to get some of your frustations out now. You can always vent to me too :)
Hang in there and I love ya,
Trish
I’m worried about you. It sounds like you have been through a very hard time and that makes me so sad Tanya. I hadn’t heard from you and I just figured you were busy or ????? I should have been more persistent in getting in touch with you because you are so important to me. I hope you still believe that I am a safe place for you to be because you have always been a safe place for me to be even when I didn’t think you were you made me realize that you were. I am ready to get in my car to come see you even if it is to just give you a hug. Okay, just know that I love you and will pray for you. I am so thankful that you came through a storm, just know that I am here always . . . sunny days, cloudy days, misty days, pouring down rain days, blue sky days . . . whatever day it is I am here and always will be.
WOW! You brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry to hear that you have been struggling. You are always there with a smile on your face and ready and willing to help others. You need to find some time for yourself. I think that means we need more scrapbooking nights. I know life gets crazy busy and we all lost connection, but I hope that you know you can always count on me to be there for you. You are a very special person Tanya and don't ever forget that. I love you. Minders :)
Hey there Tanya Lane,
I just read your most recent blog...my heart is pounding so hard right now because I feel like such a terrible friend...it sounds like you have been going through some major hard times and it makes me realize what a crummy friend i am. I haven't e-mailed or kept in touch for over a month...things have been crazy with Urgent Care, Jacob's stuff, school board stuff, etc...but that is no excuse. I wanted to call you immediatley when i read your blog, but my oldddd cell phone that i was using broke on Sunday...so i am sending this to you. I sure hope that you consider me someone that you can talk to even though we are far apart. I really hope that you will e-mail me or call me...I think that you are an amazing friend, mom, and wife...you have shared your struggles with me before about how it all piles up on you with work, kids, etc..etc..I am so sorry for the dark times you have been going through..you really have been on my heart the last few weeks and i should have just hopped on the computer and e-mailed you...I would really like to talk to you in person,,,,so please call me as soooon as you can..I love you and I am praying for you....Love, ME
cool poetry or is it poetry? i might be spelling poetry wrong!
Emilee
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